Wrangling Cheeky Monkeys and Other Noble Pursuits: andy cohen

Friday, September 10, 2010

Reality Sucks. Brain Cells, That Is.

Currently, I am not at my cognitive best. I hope this is a passing phenomenon. If not, we are in a LOT of trouble. What with the new(ish) baby, significant sleep deprivation, two crazy school-aged schedules, the Head Monkey's itinerant work schedule, my work schedule, and keeping track of the flippin' DOG, I literally don't know whether I'm coming or going. Or how to spell anymore. (I already have had to confirm my spelling of itinerant and deprivation. That is SO not like me).

And to make matters worse? I am addicted to soul-sucking, brain-rotting REALITY TELEVISION.

I'm not proud. But these shows are delicious. And curious. And train-wreckalecka. But they are slowing leeching away my very limited IQ points. They also send me into a veritable SINK HOLE of rationalization. I find myself frequently justifying my choices by saying. . . .

At least I don't watch
The Jersey Shore.

Yet.

In a I hope not vain attempt to refire some dormant neurons, I am going on a self-imposed reality television diet. This diet includes refraining from watching the shows and reading the show blogs. In my very limited free time, I should be pursuing that which is noble. (For a full listing of noble pursuits, click here).

I will refrain from thinking about the following, which consumes a shameful amount of my waking hours. . .

Is Danielle actually the spawn of Satan?
Why won't Kourtney just leave Scott already?
How exactly DOES one get into $11 million of debt?
Will Bethenny have another baby and how the HELL did her body bounce back like that at age 39? Yes, I know she's 39. Further evidence that I have a problem.
Will Bravo create a spin-off of Kelly in a mental health institution?
How many different ways can the word douche be used?

Andy Cohen. . . . Ryan Seacrest. . . a loyal follower of your programs must take a break to try to regain her brain. I'll be back someday.

Who am I kidding. I'll probably be back Sunday. Can't miss those crazy Kardashians.

The Wrangler's Reading List

Your One Year Old (two year old, three year old, etc.) series. (There is a book for each age. Has helped me understand my children better as they grow).
When a Crocodile Eats the Sun: A Memoir of Africa by Peter Godwin (The best memoir I have read in a VERY long time. And I read a lot of memoir).
To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee. (I've read this at five distinct points in my life and have learned something new EVERY SINGLE TIME.)
The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver
The Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan
The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin (This little gem was a timely recommendation from a very good friend. I have put a lot of its tenets into practice, and will confess that it has improved my overall happiness).
The Discipline Book by Dr. William Sears
Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austin
Mastering the Art of French Cooking by Julia Child. Thanks, Julia, for teaching me how to bake french bread. My family thanks you as well.
Make It Fast, Cook It Slow by Stephanie O'Dea
Anne Lamott. ANYTHING she writes. I love how she is reverently irreverant.
Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver
1,2,3 Magic by the man, whose name I have forgotten, who wrote about how to put this very intuitive and yet magical parenting technique into practice. Wish I had thought of that. I also wish I had invented those Silly Bandz that turn children into rabid Silly Bandz-collecting dogs. Ah, well.